To Grind or Not to Grind
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by: Guest
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Scenario: It\'s Saturday night. You are at your favourite watering hole with friends. This particular watering hole comes with a large dance floor. Perfect. You are having a few beverages and you see an opposite sex group on the other side of the bar close to the dance floor. But now you are faced with the age-old question: To Grind or Not to Grind?
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Scenario: It's Saturday night. You are at your favourite watering hole with friends. This particular watering hole comes with a large dance floor. Perfect. You are having a few beverages and you see an opposite sex group on the other side of the bar close to the dance floor.
But now you are faced with the age-old question: To Grind or Not to Grind?
What is grinding, you ask? No better person to ask than resident expert grinder, Dr. Jonathan Huber, who offered up the following definition.
Grinding: a type of [dirty] dancing in which one person dances while pressing his or her pelvis into another person, either from behind into the buttocks or into the pelvis if dancing face-to-face.
According to Dictionary.com, grinding is a slang verb: to rotate the hips in a suggestive manner. Not to be confused with bumping, which is: to dance by thrusting the pelvis forward abruptly, in a provocative manner, especially to the accompaniment of an accented musical beat.
Those damn accented musical beats. They get me every time. Just like they got Baby.
Now if you've read Dr. Huber's research on Sexually Overt Approach Behaviours, you could be a grinding expert yourself. Remember when I said that sex researching is the raddest job? Well, here's some more proof.
Dr. Huber went to bars in Ottawa and Guelph and observed grinding live and in the flesh for his Master's research. Yes, that's right. He observed grinding and they gave him a Master's degree. Well, he also did a survey asking women what they thought of grinding behaviour at bars. Then, they gave him a Master's degree. As an FYI, I got my own Master's degree for doing just the survey alone.
And what do his results tell us about grinding? Well for starters, grinding is usually only effective in certain types of bars. You know the kind. They're the type where people turn a blind eye to what would be considered inappropriate behaviour in most other settings. Scantily clad women? Heavy make-out parties on the dance floor? A DJ who encourages women to show their thongs (noooo, not footwear) and men to show their 6-packs for free drinks? Singleton washrooms, perfect for sex? These are the kinds of bars I'm talkin' about.
Now, I'm sorry to be a hopes and dreams crusher here, but based on Dr. Huber's research, grinding is not the most effective pick-up strategy. Shocking. That's not to say that grinding wasn't greeted well; in most cases, recipients of the grinding responded with smiles and continued dancing. Sometimes there was simply no reaction.
But women in his survey reported a clear preference to be approached verbally. Now by verbal communication, I do not mean "You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day long" A simple "Hello" will suffice.
Moral of the story:
If you are looking for a shot-gun approach to press your crotch into the ass or crotch of lots of other people at the bar, then grinding is for you.
If you are looking for a bit of a better return on your pick-up attempts, pass on the grinding and use your mouth. But no mouth hugs.
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